I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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