the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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