dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
