Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
