then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
