they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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