There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
