i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
