Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im holly from the hills drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize