I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
