shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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