I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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