the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
