Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
