your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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