so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
