STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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