This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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