even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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