he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
