you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
