so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize