Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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