My friends, they love my intelligence
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize