I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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