Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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