So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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