my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
