I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
