2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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