im drinking this country out of the recession.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
