there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
