You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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