getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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