In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
