The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
