I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
