fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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