if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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