Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
