i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
