What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
