Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
