So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
