I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
