You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
