OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if only i could text you this smell
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
