So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is my gift to your gina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
