So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
