what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize