She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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