We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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