So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
