my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
