would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
