he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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