People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
