That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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