You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
