Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nicole vs. Life
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
