I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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