i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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