if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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