it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
