btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
