i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
