i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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