porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
