the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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