His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
